Rev. R. T. Kendall discusses what total forgiveness is and is not in Chapter 1 of his book Total Forgiveness, presenting 10 characteristics for each of the two aspects. The 10 concepts describing what forgiveness is not are very similar to the true-false quiz assessing one’s forgiveness belief system discussed by Dr. David Stoops in his book Forgiving the Unforgivable.
On the positive side, total forgiveness is:
1. awareness of the offender’s sin, yet still forgiving that person
2. a choice, an act of the will- “feeling” like forgiving will come later
3. giving up the desire for punishment and revenge- vindication is what God does best
4. confiding our hurt to a trustworthy friend who won’t share our information with those who have no need to be involved
5. following Jesus’ command to be merciful (Luke 6:36)
6. graciousness- keeping silent even though you could speak the truth
7. something that must take place in the heart- our words will reflect that this has taken place
8. an absence of bitterness
9. releasing our resentment of God, trusting that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28)
10. forgiving ourselves- there’s no lasting joy if we don’t