“Short-tempered people do foolish things.”- Proverbs 14:17
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”- Ambrose Bierce
In today’s blog, Dr. Gary Chapman continues his discussion of his five-step process for dealing with valid anger. Gary presents steps two and three today.
2. Restrain your immediate response. Dr. Chapman observes that very few adults have learned to control and direct their anger. Instead, patterns learned in childhood from immediate family members tend to cluster around two destructive extremes: (a) verbal or physical venting; or (b) withdrawal and silence.
Thus, learning anger control as adults means unlearning old habits. Establishing new patterns requires restraining our immediate response. Yet, the flow of anger lava may be difficult to stop once it gets rolling. However, the pivotal moment occurs before red-hot words begin to flow. At that point we can train ourselves to restrain our impulsive response. Most likely, Gary notes, counting to 10 falls short. Therefore, Gary suggests counting to 100 or even 1,000 in order to quell the fire within.
When you consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry and reason begins to prevail, Dr. Chapman suggests this prayer:
“Lord, You know that I am angry. I believe that what they have done is wrong. Please help me make a wise decision about how to respond in this situation.”
As a result of this prayer, you approach an explosive situation with constructive action through gaining control of your emotions.
3. Locate the focus of your anger. Hence, Gary delineates the bottom line- discovering the wrong committed by the person at whom you are angry. A secondary issue relates to the seriousness of the offense. Numbering the level of the offense from one to ten helps you gain perspective and assists in resolving the dispute.
Today’s question: How does being short-tempered distract you from the focus of your anger? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “The Christian’s options”
