“Inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love.”- Dr. Ross Campbell
In Chapter 2 (“Let’s Get This Straight: What Intimacy Isn’t”) of I’d Like You More . . . , John Ortberg dispels eleven myths about intimacy. Since, John quips, God didn’t create people with intimacy gauges on their foreheads, it’s impossible to tell how full their emotional tanks are. Consequently, and even worse, Pastor Ortberg notes, our own internal misconceptions of intimacy often mislead us.
Therefore, the author takes a look at eleven myths about intimacy in this chapter. He covers the first two today.
Myth #1: Intimacy should be easy. Pastor Ortberg points out the messy, as well as seasonal, nature of intimacy. As a result, just when you think you’ve arrived at a happy place, something- or someone- changes. Hence, a new set of challenges arise.
Consequently, John asks a few questions about the level of your intimacy tank. Thus, negative answers indicate the possibility your tank’s running a little low:
- Do you have one person nearby to call in times of personal distress?
- Are there several people you could visit with little advance warning – and without apology?
- Do you have people who’ll care for you in practical ways if the need arises?
Myth #2: Intimacy take away your sense of identity. First of all, Pastor Ortberg underscores, there’s a difference between intimacy and fusion. Intimacy: (a) involves two persons coming together, yet their individual identities stay intact; (b) provides balance; (c) reciprocates; and (d) enhances your identity.
However, fusion: (a) results when two vacuums come together – boundaries between two separate selves get lost; (b) involves one person’s neediness sucking the life out of the other; (c) eliminates the capacity for independence and strength; and (d) takes away your identity.
Today’s question: Currently, how full is your emotional tank? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Love: a God-powered condition of the heart and mind”
