“We are, by nature, scorekeepers. . . . Our sense of score exerts a powerful influence over our lives. Our behavior is inevitably aimed at achieving a higher point total.”- John Ortberg
“Some wonderful, dazzling success are going to happen for some of the most awful, angry, undeserving people you know — people who are, in other words, not you.”- Anne Lamott
In Chapter 3 (“Three Ways to Keep Score”) of When the Game is Over, John Ortberg observes we use our nature as scorekeepers to define success. Thus, whatever scoring system we hook up to emotionally dictates our behavior. And, most commonly, we tend to keep score with the three Cs – comparing, competing, and climbing. Today, Pastor Ortberg discusses comparing.
1. Comparing To. Psychologists, John notes, state that people engage in three types of comparing:
- upward comparison– comparing your situation to those better off than you; danger -incites envy
- lateral comparison– assessing yourself relative to those at your same lever; danger – incites competition
- downward comparison– comparing yourself to those worse off than you; danger- incites arrogance
Furthermore, Pastor Ortberg states, we tend to keep score in the most self-serving ways. For example, when it comes to affluence, we tend to compare ourselves with those just slightly better off. Thus, that gives us hope of attaining their level of success. As a result, we fail to express gratitude. Nor do we focus on our need to share with those worse off.
However, when it comes to ethical behavior, we tend to compare ourselves to people we perceive as less moral than ourselves. Consequently, this ethical benchmark gives us a higher integrity score.
Finally, the author asserts, one main reason we feel tempted to get more invested in work than relationships centers on the fact that it’s easier to keep score in our vocations.
Today’s question: “How does a scorekeepers approach play itself out in your life? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation, “Appropriate smallness – dream small”
