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The No Mentor – a special kind of person

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By Dave Henning / July 10, 2019

“The No Mentor is a special kind of person.  While a regular mentor will help you weigh decisions and give valuable advice, a No Mentor goes in with a stronger filter from the beginning. . . .  Unlike your co-listening group members, who have a primary role of listening, your No Mentor will be no-nonsense, straightforward, and unapologetic.”- Emily P. Freeman

In Chapter 17 (“Find a No Mentor”) of The Next Right Thing, Emily P. Freeman asserts that if you lack the courage to say no when you need to, you’d probably benefit from  No Mentor.  Most likely, Emily observes, you’ll employ this person to help you choose your absence from things you already realize should be a no, but that you find hard to admit.

Furthermore, you’ll find that such a guide is relentlessly on your side.  Hence, that person keeps the health of your soul, your family, and your work foremost in his/her mind.  Thus, finding this mentor may constitute your next right thing.  As a result, Emily presents four things to look for in selecting this mentor.  The author covers the first three things today.

1.  You need someone who makes decisions the way you want to make them in areas you want to make them in.  However, the author notes, we tend to ask the most easily available people for advice.  Instead, we need to consider whether the people around us actually model the life we want to live.

2.  You need someone who knows you and gets the subtleties of your decision in a way other people might not.  As Emily stresses, a mentor who helps you say no possesses the skills to differentiate between his/her stuff and your stuff.

3.  You need someone you can trust with the underbelly.  Since every choice has an underbelly, this confidant needs to know the whole story.  And that includes the ugly, the weird, and the twisty.  Consequently, you must be able to trust him or her.  So, Emily exhorts, tell everything and tell it true.  Your friend can handle it.

Today’s question: Do you need that special person in your life to help you say no?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Discerning your next right step”

About the author

Dave Henning


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