Betrayal = selfishness of the betrayer

By Dave Henning / June 6, 2020

“Betrayal is very personal and affects us at a deep, emotional level.  But it says more about the selfishness of the betrayer than it says about you.  Your goal is to prevent the betrayal and the betrayer from defining who you are.  Be proactive — not reactive.”- Phil Waldrep

Phil Waldrep concludes Chapter 1 of Beyond Betrayal as he talks about two suggestions to help you look at your betrayer’s actions objectively.  And, these ideas help you in your healing journey.

1.  Start a journal.  More often than not, Phil observes, great people who impacted the world in a positive way kept a journal.  Their purpose centered in keeping a journal for themselves – not recording their thoughts for posterity.  Hence, keeping a journal allowed them to process things happening around them as well as how they felt about those things.

Above all, writing in a journal provides a tremendous way to pour out your emotions.  Thus, that prevents feelings from becoming bottled up inside you.  In addition, Phil stresses, “Your goal is to control your emotions by expressing them instead of your emotions controlling you.”

Next, the author suggests that you start with considering the following questions:

  • What is your story?  As you write your story, express your thoughts and feelings about: (a) the person or persons who betrayed you; (b) the reactions of  others; and (c) yes, how you presently feel about God.
  • What are you feeling?  Dig deep beneath your surface emotions.  Then, start letting these emotions go.  And don’t take them with you.  Leave your emotions there on the page.  Take a rest.

 2.  Talk with a counselor or pastor.  Find a professional to listen as you tell your story and express your feelings.  Because friends, though they mean well, often reinforce your bad emotions.  For they experience the same emotions as you, albeit at a lower level.

Today’s question: How does betrayal truly define the selfishness of the betrayer?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “A violation of trust – betrayal defined”

About the author

Dave Henning

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