Conscious choices to get your life back

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By Dave Henning / June 21, 2020

“You’re going to have to make some conscious choices to get your life back.  The first has to be to confront your pain for what it is and determine to process it rather than obsess over it.  The second is to not let it steal the rest of your loved ones from you.”- Phil Waldrep

“Pain changes people.  It makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out.”- Anonymous

Phil Waldrep concludes Chapter 5 of Beyond Betrayal as he observes that letting shame have its way births a natural by-product.  We legitimize it.  As a result, we justify this self-hate because we view ourselves as worthless, horrible people.  And, the author underscores, that’s the most destructive lie that comes straight from hell.  Phil continues:

“The only way to counteract that lie is to confront our pain and our shame and expose them for what they are.  We hurt because someone hurt us.  We feel shame because we think the betrayal reflects on our value.  But it doesn’t.  At its worst, it may reflect poor judgment about who our associates are.  We can learn from the incident and live smarter into the future.”

Finally, the author asserts, the first real step toward healing involves dumping our your drawer of feelings and sorting them out.  Therefore, Phil suggests three ways to process your pain:

  1. Talk with a friend.  First, find a close friend willing to sit with you and mostly listen as you process your pain.  Also, you’re mostly looking for your friend to help you identify what you’re feeling and regain a healthy perspective.  Thus, approval and sympathy represent less important goals.  Above all, choose a spiritually mature Christian friend.
  2. Write music, pain, draw, start a story.  Draw a picture that helps you articulate your feelings.  Because words often fail to express emotions and human experiences- in comparison to art.
  3. Do some reading about the five stages of grief.  Talk through these stages with a friend, counselor, or pastor.  In addition, you can read many great books on the subject.

Today’s question: What conscious choices must you make to get your life back?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The paralysis of analysis – falling into it”

About the author

Dave Henning

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