“When we can lovingly turn toward our pain, expressed in various ways by our bodies, we often begin to find we have choices we couldn’t see before.”- Aundi Kolber
“Our bodies are prophets. They know when things are out of whack and they say so.”- Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar to the World
In Chapter 2 (“Mind Your Brain”) of Try Softer, Aundi Kolber observes that your life tells a story. Furthermore, God created your body to give you valuable information as you experience those stories.
As a result, one of the key elements Aundi tracks in working with her clients involves their autonomic nervous systems (ANS). In addition, the ANS consists of two parts – the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic drives our fight/flight response. However, it also drives a lesser-known but equally significant reaction — the fawn response. In the fawn response, rather than acknowledging our discomfort, our bodies try to neutralize prolonged danger via pleasing or accommodating others.
Also, in fight/flight/fawn, our bodily response corresponds with the level of arousal to the perceived threat. And, we may behave in a manner completely contrary to our ‘normal’ selves to deal with real or perceived dangers. Conversely, the parasympathetic nervous system comes into play when we’re in a relaxed state. Hence, it’s often referred to as ‘rest and digest.’ Yet, another function of this system shifts the body into a freeze state. This happens when a person perceives danger and sees no escape. In addition, the freeze response occurs on a continuum from mild fogginess (not feeling present) to fainting or physical collapse. Hence, disassociation represents another name for this response.
In conclusion, Aundi offers these words of hope:
“When we learn the way our environments and relationships shape the stories we hold in our bodies — and that we can find more nurturing, effective ways to care for ourselves as we move through difficulties — it becomes easier to be gentle with pain when it shows up.”
Today’s question: What Bible verses help us to lovingly turn toward our pain? Please share.
Coming Monday: the November Short Meditation, “A lily dancing with the wind”
Tomorrow’s blog: “A significant part of learning to try softer”
