Hopeless pursuits are where so many get stuck, stay angry, and void peace right out of their lives. But hope-filled possibilities? That’s where the process of seeing that healing is possible begins. What we look for is what we will see. What we see determines our perspective. And our perspective becomes our reality.”- Lysa TerKeurst
In Chapter 3 (“Is This Even Survivable?”) of Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Lysa TerKeurst, describes forgiveness as a complicated grace. How, Lysa asks, does grace uncomplicate blinding pain so you can see beautiful again? Furthermore, sometimes words sound quite possible. Until it feels impossible to live according to them.
Hence, when another person deeply wounds you, Lysa notes, it’s:
- only natural that their utter lack of humanity shocks you
- understandable to wish your life had never, ever, intersected with theirs
- easy to assume that a choice you offender made absolutely directly connects to the hell you’re now forced to live
- natural to feel forever changed in ways you don’t want to be
Surely, you think, I wouldn’t be here save for the choices the offender(s) made. As a result, you wonder if you’ll even survive this devastation.
Therefore, Lysa underscores, she’s not yet asking you to sign up for forgiveness. Rather, Lysa asks that you willingly consider taking power away from the person who hurt you. Because that’s the last person in the world to whom you want to hand over the controls of your life.
So, Lysa encourages, acknowledge your pain. And own the feeling that result from the pain as yours to control. Don’t depend on another person to make things right before you move toward change.
Finally, Lysa address the topic of blame:
“Blame hands the power to change over to the person who hurt me. It says, as long as they refuse to acknowledge what they’ve done as wrong, I feel powerless to change. Or even if they do acknowledge what they did as wrong, if the wrong isn’t made right, life will feel forever different, which also makes me feel powerless to change. So might you dare whisper along with me, Today is the day it stops.”
Today’s question: Do you tend to see hopeless pursuits or hope-filled possibilities? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “To see beyond this current darkness”