“If I could have predicted how isolated and abandoned I would feel in the years to come, I would have ignored my conscience [to leave my church] and gone with the flow. Instead, I chose to lean into disruption; my conscience had finally overruled the status quo. Still, ask anyone who has tried it; it’s never easy to embark on a different road even if that road is the right one.”- Lisa AbuJamra (emphasis Lina’s)
In the Introduction (“My Story”) of Fractured Faith, Lina AbuJamra talks about the weight she felt when she decided to walk away from her church. Because, as an insider at a well-known Chicago mega-church, she’d let the women’s ministry for three years. Hence, in those days, Lina measured God’s goodness by the number of blessings she experienced. As a result, Lina astutely observes, she lived a mirage she mistakenly called ‘Christianity.’
However, in those early days after her church split, Lina believed God would step in and do something dramatic. Make things right. So, Lina asked:
- Didn’t God care about His children?
- Why wasn’t God executing justice where it was due?
- Where was God in my pain?
Certainly, Lina admits, had she known then what she knows now about the repercussions of leaving her church, she would’ve chosen safety. But, Lina underscores:
“I’ve learned that it takes guts to lean into the truth. It takes grit and a willingness to live honestly to admit the struggle you’re feeling. It will take everything in you to learn how to be your true self. . . .
During that time in my life, I still lived for the approval of other people. It took a crisis of faith for me to admit that what I called my ‘true self’ was only a fractured self, modeled after human understanding, not God. . . . what I had called my true self was anything but true.”
Today’s question: When have you chosen to lean into disruption? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Pathway to God – suffering”