“Allowing someone access without accountability will eventually lead to abandonment. If I give you unlimited access to me and there’s no accountability, either I’m going to leave the relationship, or you will. . . . If you don’t have clear rules — if you don’t set boundaries for the relationship — then you’ll be ruled by the other person. You must may not know it.”- Jim Cross, Lysa’s Christian counselor
Lysa TerKeurst concludes Chapter 2 of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes as she shares the distinction between sin and iniquity. As Lysa studied the two words, she discovered that iniquity points to the character or motivation of the action. More than the action itself.
Most significantly, Lysa finds this distinction helpful because the word iniquity highlights the nuances of hurtful issues within human relationships. The key involves looking for patterns of hurtful and harmful behavior. Certainly, one can call one hurtful statement a mistake. But a repeated pattern of hurtful statements signals much more than a mistake.
Therefore, you must require people to show the responsibility necessary to grant the amount of access we permit in our lives. Because when we allow too much access without the correct responsibility, Lysa cautions, the result is detrimental.
However, Lysa notes, when we attempt to get others to increase their responsibility, we feel stuck when they refuse our request. Instead, Lysa exhorts, take control and reduce their access to the level of responsibility they can handle. Another word for that solution = boundary.
In conclusion, Lysa advises:
“Setting a boundary is being responsible enough to reduce the access we grant to others based on their ability to be responsible with that access. People who are irresponsible with our hearts should not be granted great access to our hearts. . . . Bottom line: God established boundaries to protect intimacy, not decimate it. And we should do the same.”
Today’s question: Do you need to develop clear rules in your life to create accountable access? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Distortion feeds dysfunction”