“I’m not a boundaries failure. Neither are you. We are in process. And that, my friend, is one of the healthiest places to be. Remember, boundaries aren’t going to fix the other person. But they are going to help you stay fixed on what is good, what is acceptable, and what you need to stay healthy and safe.”- Lysa TerKeurst
“Righteousness guards the person of integrity; but wickedness overthrows the sinner.”- Proverbs 13:67 (ESV)
Lysa TerKeurst concludes Chapter 4 of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes with the fourth important fact concerning boundaries.
4. Consequences should be for protection, not harm. Most significantly, Lysa states, keep in mind that the consequence serves to protect you- and, if possible, the relationship. Not cause more harm. Certainly, God gave a consequence to Adam and Eve. However, He never abandoned them.
But, Lysa exhorts, remember why you needed the boundary. Because that helps you keep the boundary and its protection in place. For if you renege, the offending behavior bothers you even more when it resurfaces. Like a beach ball held underwater, when you release the external force, the ball (like your anger) explodes to the surface.
Yet, Lysa notes we must be willing to give grace for mistakes. Unless we find those issues ongoing and continuously harmful. At that point, we need to acknowledge that truth and act accordingly.
In conclusion, Lysa encourages:
“Drawing wise boundaries is me fighting for the relationships. It’s for their good and mine. Loosening my boundaries and enabling them to hurt the relationship and harm me isn’t helping them. I am not honoring Jesus when I give permission for the other person to act in ways that Jesus never would.”
When you draw a healthy boundary, someone may accuse you of ‘not acting like Jesus.’ Of course, certainly check yourself – your tone, words, and actions. Also, consider the source. Perhaps the problem centers on a lack of respect for your boundary. Instead of the boundary itself.
Today’s question: Do you see yourself as a boundaries failure, or as one in process? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Wishful thinking or reality walk?”
