“What you see in glimpses should be what you see the majority of the time. If the glimpses of kindness and potential are what’s keeping you going, then eventually you’ll start accepting even harsh things as good. If you find yourself so grateful for the smallest common courtesy, you’re hanging your hope on nothing but air.”- Lysa TerKeurst
“I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.”- Psalm 121:1-2 (ESV)
As Lysa TerKeurst moves on in Chapter 6 of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, she strongly cautions us not to ignore this red flag, or full-one fire. That red flag appears when you feel you must trade the best of who you are to protect the worst of who they are.
Hence, Lysa offers several factors to help you identify when you might be in a dysfunctional dance. With someone displaying emotional immaturity. The following factors captured my attention. The other person:
- resists needed conversations- or turns them against you.
- tends not to own any of their parts of the conflict, always saying, “but you . . .” in response.
- refuses to take responsibility for him/herself or their actions; plus, he/she expects you to pick up the pieces.
- rewrites history to prove a point that serves only them or their version of the truth.
- uses his/her version of the truth as protection.
- sweeps his /her wrongdoing under the rug, hoping no one catches them.
In conclusion, Lysa underscores, emotionally mature people show no eagerness to weaponize the above list against other people. Therefore, the author exhorts, we must continue to examine ourselves, seeing what we need to see. Also, acknowledging what we need to acknowledge. Finally, we must increase our awareness of what we need to be aware of. Inside of us as well as in our relationships with others.
Today’s question: When do you settle for glimpses of kindness and potential to keep you going in a relationship? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Healthy equilibrium – possible”
