Breaking point – wait or establish

By Dave Henning / May 8, 2023

“There’s a big difference between waiting for a breaking point and establishing a breaking point. . . .  Establishing a breaking point can sometimes be a boundary that helps a relationship stay healthy.  It clears up the nebulous questions around what is and is not permitted between you and the other person.  That clarity will make the need for a goodbye much more obvious to both parties.”- Jim Cross, Lysa’s Christian counselor

In Chapter 11 (“I’m Not Walking Away, I’m Accepting Reality”) of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Lysa TerKeurst asserts that it’s easy to lose all sense of reality when nothing makes sense.  Hence, when you dread the ending you’re anticipating, you try to do everything in your power to stop it from happening.

But, Lysa observes, that’s like trying to redirect the vicious spin of a tornado with your outstretched hands.  Because, Lysa cautions, in the end that tornado sucks you in and spits you out.  In addition, it gives no regard to the trauma you experience in the process.  Above all, Lysa notes, trauma not only happens to you, but it also happens in you.

Therefore, Lysa advises:

“A big part of setting boundaries in even the best of circumstances is accepting the reality that when you know a change needs to happen, you need to move toward making it happen.  You don’t have to make all the changes at once.  And you don’t have to start with the biggest change.  But whatever reality is telling you, and however the Lord is leading you, move toward that.”

In conclusion, Lysa underscores, it’s the right time to consider a goodbye when a relationship moves from being difficult to being destructive.  When we give too much access to irresponsible people, regular boundaries fail.  Consequently, zero level of responsibility = zero level of access to you.

And before you decide to say goodbye, seek wise counsel and utilize much prayer.  Thus, Lysa exhorts, don’t peace out or tap out.

Today’s question: What most helps you establish a breaking point rather than waiting for it?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Grief kept knocking – let it in”

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Dave Henning

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