Resilience is in the repair

By Dave Henning / June 6, 2023

“Everywhere we look we assume that it is pain that makes people tough.  But as wise researcher and psychologist Allan Schore has noted, resilience is in the repair — not the wounding. . . . When pain and trauma are met with the love and support needed to repair the wounding, we heal — and by the grace of God, we are able to hang on to everything we learned from the experience.”- Aundi Kolber

“A bruised reed he will not break.”- Isaiah 42:3 (NIV)

Aundi Kolber concludes Chapter 1 of Strong Like Water with the second and third strengths in her flow of strength model.

 2.  Transitional strength.  Here, Aundi stresses, we begin to attend to our wounds or trauma with safety, resources, and support.  Yet, unprocessed pain may still exist.  Thus, transitional strength is a place of duality.  Because we start to truly acknowledge that it’s possible for two realities to exist at the same time.  For example, pain and joy, grief and hope.

Above all, Aundi counsels, one cannot overstate the significance of transitional strength.  Because this strength serves as the ground from which we truly begin to choose how we engage our story, body, and strength.

 3.  Integrated strength. As we attend to our boundaries, emotions, and trauma, we open ourselves to love.  Love in the form of safety, connection, and belonging. Most significantly, Aundi asserts, God’s given us the tools that allow us to be truly, holistically strong.  In addition, we honor the worthiness of the dignity offered us at any point along the way.

In conclusion, Aundi offers these words of hope:

“Ultimately, our tethering to love, hope, and safety is what makes us truly strong, and they are all indicators that we’re moving along the flow of strength.  In this space, we feel pain, but we are not swallowed by it.  You see, love changes us in ways that fear and danger cannot.  It both softens and strengthens us.”

Today’s question: Do you believe that resilience is in the repair?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Window of tolerance (WOT)”

About the author

Dave Henning

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