“We have a God who tends us and leads us to the places that allow us to experience rest and refreshment. . . . This is a God of connection; a God of co-regulation. A God who builds safety in us and through us because this connection is available to us. Because He is with us.”- Aundi Kolber (emphasis author’s)
“Safety is not the absence of threat, but the presence of connection.”- Gabor Mate
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”- Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
Aundi Kolber concludes Chapter 4 of Strong Like Water with the fourth primary attachment style.
4. Secure attachment. Good caregiving enables a child’s body template to reflect a realistic and secure view of the world. In general, secure attachment better positions folks to intuitively tap into strong-like-water strategies. Because each of us is human, though, we can experience difficulty doing so. Above all, Aundi counsels, recognize that others you care about often possess a different attachment style.
Most significantly, Aundi observes, the with-ness of God, combined with the with-ness of others, creates the framework for what makes us truly strong. As a result, Aundi turns to one of her favorite psalms, Psalm 23. She takes special note of the word fear in verse 4. Aundi encourages:
“The motivation here is not to pretend that there is nothing to fear (because that doesn’t actually work anyway). Instead, we are invited to sink into the presence of One who can help us navigate the fear. God joins us. Emmanuel joins us. God with us is the clearest invitation to secure attachment we could ever hope for.”
Above all, Aundi describes connection as the remedy. Because connection:
- creates enough safety for you and me to move along the flow of strength.
- expands into hope, courage, and life.
Today’s question: What rest and refreshment places most help you to connect with God? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Internalized safety – integrate”