“As the architect and designer of mankind, God has created us for connection. He’s created us for meaningful and significant relationships. He looks at a life that is lived with complete independence and self-reliance and says, ‘That is no good.’ “- Kyle Idleman (emphasis author’s)
“If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.”- Old African proverb
As Kyle Idleman moves on in Chapter 10 of When Your Way Isn’t Working, he describes five signs of a superficial connection.
1. You communicate information but not feelings. Hence, the person in question is not someone you feel safe being honest and vulnerable with. In addition, you might trade information regarding other people’s messes. Certainly, though, you never discuss your own mess.
2. You don’t know details about the person’s life. As a result, Pastor Idleman observes, a test of connection is in the details. For example, you spend an entire afternoon with someone and never ask about their significant other.
3. You only connect if one of you needs something. When a certain person contacts you, you know their query about your welfare represents the tip of the iceberg. Because either they (a) want to ask you a question about something or (b) need information. Simply a transactional relationship.
4. You’ve never had to overcome a personal conflict. To strengthen connection, a relationship needs to go through some conflict. Kyle refers to this as going through the “tunnel of chaos.” While in the tunnel, you speak truth to one another — even the hard stuff. But, Kyle asserts, it’s worth the risk. For on the other side you find a deeper and more authentic connection.
5. You wouldn’t call the person if you needed help. Above all, the author asks, when you find life not working the way you hoped it would, who shows up?
Today’s question: What points you to God as the architect and designer of your life? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Tribal approach to community?”