“We all need a safe pair of eyes to land on when we’re moving into fight-or-flight. We regulate our emotions through glances of kindness. . . . look for someone who knows us, someone who carries the truth of our value, someone who holds us in friendship when we’re in a swirl of anxiety.”- Summer Joy Gross
“But when [the younger son] was a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.”- Luke 15:20 (NIV)
In her Introduction (“His Face Turned Toward You”) of The Emmanuel Promise: The Security of a Life Held by God, Summer Joy Gross stresses that our brains need attunement. Just like they need nourishment. Consequently, Summer adds, we need someone to mirror our hurt back to us. Therefore, in attunement one person reads or tunes into the inner world of another person. And does so with understanding and support.
Furthermore, neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Siegel uses 4 S’s as descriptors of what we need to feel when we reach out for attunement. We need to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. However, the complete opposite reaction occurs when we experience Still Face. It’s a face devoid of any hint of awareness or connection.
Yet, Summer underscores, Still Face is not neutral. Hence, we fear being alone in a crowd. Because we see every face around us as Still Face. So, Summer wonders, how many of us experience
God as Still Face? A God who’s emotionally unavailable in the midst of our greatest storms.
In conclusion, Summer exhorts:
“Over and over in Scripture, God’s response is ‘I am with you,’ embodied in Emmanuel. God-with-us is not just a tagline. It is God Himself with us in the mess and mire of our lives. God-with- us is the promise of an available and attuned Divine Caregiver, turned toward us, His ear open to our every cry, not from afar, but right here in the room.”
Today’s question: When do you find yourself needing a safe pair of eyes to land on? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Secure attachment with God”