“Many of us get stuck in our relationship with God, practicing our smile in the mirror, repeating our memory verses for gold stars. God wants us to look happy, right? We think we need to make ourselves Sunday morning presentable as we cover up the needs of a heart that is exceedingly weary. We are practicing perfect while God desires us to practice the art of authentically crying out.”- Summer Joy Gross
In Chapter 2 (“Insecure Anxious Attachment”) of The Emmanuel Promise, Summer Joy Gross describes anxious attachment. As psychologist Jack Gordon notes, the deepest fear of an anxious-insecure adult centers on abandonment and rejection. Furthermore, Summer adds, anxious-insecure adults:
- come across and clingy and needy.
- act over-emotional at times and exhibit poor self-control.
- overthink and tend to take things personally, analyzing and being oversensitive.
Therefore, Summer wonders what happens when we don armor against need itself. Because we glance at others who look like they have it all together. Then we look back at ourselves and with we lived steadier lives.
But, the author counsels, the self-reliant individual who professes no need for love and connection is a myth. God created and wired humans to feel needy. Consequently, neediness serves as a God-given invitation to connection and communion. A braided world of mutual care.
Also, God wants us to need Him and desire attachment. However, we must develop an awareness of need in order to form attachments.
Above all, Summer underscores, your need is:
- not a negative.
- an invitation to cry out and search your environment for love.
- a runway to becoming a healed, whole person with a secure attachment.
In conclusion, Summer advises:
“We can become confused by need, dysregulated, and unable to see ourselves clearly. When our cavernous need is triggered, we feel the disconnection of a whiteout, the pain of an icy blizzard, the fear of not being able to get ourselves home. . . . What if we were invited to become curious and compassionate with the way this sometimes overwhelming need to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure was created?”
Today’s question: When do you seek gold stars for practicing perfect? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Dance of giving and receiving”