“Many of us idolize busyness; it makes us feel important. We get sucked into a vortex of activity — especially ‘good’ activity because our sense of self is validated. But that leads to a problem: There’s no margin for stepping back, discerning what’s best, or resting.”- Rich Villodas
As Rich Villodas moves on in Chapter 6 of The Narrow Path, he lists three reasons why we find ourselves untruthful. Rich covers the first two reasons today.
1. Fear of disappointing others. When we tell the truth, we run the risk of disappointing others. Because many of us feel pressure to conform to what we perceive others expect of us. Especially those people we hold in high regard.
As theologian Stanley Hauerwas explains, we don’t want to offend:
“I think we lie often not because we’re liars, but because [we] . . . don’t want to hurt anyone, and therefore we oftentimes restrain ourselves from saying what needs to be said, because we don’t want to live with the results.”
Certainly, we all long for others to love us. However, when we sense a lack of love, we intervene and create paths to secure that love. Alarmingly, Rich notes, lying partially achieves that longing for us. But to base our identities on love and esteem crushes us sooner or later. Because it takes constant effort to please others. Besides, we can’t keep people happy forever!
2. Living life on the go. We often fail to keep commitments because we live life at an unsustainable pace. A pace too hurried for the decisions we make.
Therefore, we need to create margin for internal clarity. As a result, when we discover and articulate our values, we free ourselves from the entanglement of what we think others want from us.
Above all, to achieve that kind of clarity, we most slow down. In the process we assess our priorities, then generously but relentlessly pursue them.
Today’s question: When do you find yourself sucked into a vortex of activity? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “The clarity of love = truth”