“We are tempted to live under the illusion that somewhere out there are people who are normal. . . . When we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. We enter an endless attempt to fix them, control them, or pretend that are what they’re not. One of the great marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes ‘as-is.’ “- John Ortberg
“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives.”- Henri Nouwen
In Chapter 1(“The Porcupine Dilemma”) of Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them, John Ortberg notes what occurs when you deal with human beings. You find them in the ‘as-is’ corner of the universe. Therefore, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer observed in Life Together, people enter relationships with their own ideals and dreams of what community should look like. However, Bonhoeffer wrote:
“But God’s grace quickly frustrates all such dreams. A great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves, is bound to overwhelm as surely as God desires to lead us to a genuine understanding of Christian community. . . .
Those who love their dreams of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community, even though their intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial.”
Yet, Pastor Ortberg notes, the most painful part of this process involves realizing this. That each of us is in the as-is department as well. But we resist owning up to that little tag. As a result, we try to separate the world into normal, healthy people (like us) and difficult people. Because we all want to look normal. And think of ourselves as normal.
Hence, John counsels:
“Every one of us — all we like sheep — have habits we can’t control, past deeds we cannot undo, flaws we can’t correct. . . . In the way that glass is predisposed to shatter and nitroglycerin is predisposed to explode, we . . . do wrong when conditions are right.”
Today’s question: What Bible verses help you counter the illusion that people are normal? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Reciprocal rootedness”