“The requirement for true intimacy is chunks of unhurried time. If you think you can fit deep community into the cracks of an overworked schedule — think again. Wise people do not try to microwave friendship, parenting, or marriage. You can’t do community in a hurry. You can’t listen in a hurry. John Ortberg
“If you don’t go to somebody’s funeral, they won’t go to yours.”- Yogi Berra
In Chapter 3 (“The Fellowship of the Mat: True Friendship”) of Everybody’s Normal . . ., John Ortberg talks about one of the great stories in the Bible about community. The story involves a paralyzed man and the friends who brought him to Jesus (Luke 5:17-26). The man lived his life on a mat three feet wide and six feet long.
Furthermore, no way existed for the paralyzed man to contribute to society. So, he laid by the side of the road and needed to depend on people dropping coins beside him — to live another day. Thus, his mat served as his ‘as-is’ tag. But the man did have something going for him — his amazing friends.
Certainly, the man’s very visible ‘as-is’ tag stacked the deck against him. Yet, his friends refused to let any obstacles stop them. Even though they faced formidable barriers, such as social status or a high cost of time. However, Pastor Ortberg counsels:
“People rarely drift into deep community. . . . Ironically, we tend to devote massive amounts of time to making money, running errands, and succeeding at out jobs, but we neglect giving our most valuable possession — time — to the experience for which we were created: community.”
As a result, John stresses, we must take time to mourn with those who mourn. And take time to rejoice with those who rejoice. Hence, many people lack great friends for one simple reason. The fail to make pursuing community a high priority. But, John observes, “You can’t carry someone’s mat in a hurry. And everyone comes with a mat.”
Today’s question: When do you feel pressure to microwave friendship? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “The irony of the mat”