“You may wonder when the other people in your life will be mature enough, healthy enough, or normal enough to become a finely tuned machine and not have to work on relational skills anymore. It will never happen. People you know will never be that normal. Neither will you.”- John Ortberg
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”- Proverbs 25:11 (NIV)
John Ortberg concludes Chapter 6 of Everybody’s Normal . . . with the fourth and fifth relational rules of the road.
4. Road Closed. Pastor Ortberg notes that when we’re with people we like and feel close to, our bodies unwittingly square up, address, and aim at those people. However, when we feel uncomfortable in a conversation, we begin to angle our bodies away from the other person. Thus, we express relational dynamics through angular distance.
Hence, people with high relational intelligence build rapport with others by matching their posture and movements. Because, John explains:
“Relationally intelligent people know that God has given to every human being the key to the door of one’s heart. There can be no forced entry. Jesus himself does not try to force his way inside; he stands at the door and honors our choice. We may be able to push and manipulate somebody’s behavior, but not their heart.”
5. Shoulder Work. Every human being, John asserts, makes this (usually) unspoken request of their friends. To call out the best in us, believe in us, speak truth to us, and remind us of our deepest values.
But when life beats people down, their shoulders signal their response. So, at times our shoulders speak a truth that our mouths feel afraid to say. But we must take time to read this signal in others.
God created us to face life squarely, not with hunched shoulders. But we need the gift of help from others to attain this. Therefore, John exhorts:
“All around us are people searching, seeking, attempting reentry, for whom life and death hang in the balance. Everyone we know needs someone who believes, someone who will remind them: This could be your finest hour.”
Today’s question: Do you expect your friends to run as a finely tuned machine? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Communities need tensions”