“Communities need tensions if they are to grow and deepen. Tensions come from conflicts. . . . A tension or difficulty can signal the approach of a new grace of God. But is has to be looked at wisely and humanely.”- Jean Vanier, Community and Growth
In Chapter 7 (“Community is Worth Fighting For: Conflict”) of Everybody’s Normal . . ., John Ortberg underscores that to master the art of handling anger and conflict provides the greatest challenge in building community. Above all, we must keep in mind the importance of this topic in God’s eyes. Yet, John finds it remarkable and appalling that by and large churches today are not scandalized by broken relationships. Or chronic enmity between people.
But Jesus felt scandalized by the lack of love. Because Jesus supremely valued love. Hence, John asserts, the greatest crimes against the kingdom of God consist of crimes against love, to:
- slander another human being.
- carry a grudge against someone who I believe has hurt me.
- gossip about someone I’ve failed to confront.
Consequently, Pastor Ortberg counsels and cautions:
“When we violate oneness, when we contribute to relational brokenness, it doesn’t just affect us. It doesn’t just affect the other person present. We are contributing to the destruction of that which is most prized by God and was purchased by him at greatest cost — the oneness of the Trinitarian community. . . . So anyone who takes God’s dreams of community seriously will have to come to grips with conflict.”
In conclusion, John talks about the earliest research on anger, done one hundred years ago. The research found two main categories of the causes of anger:
- the stupid inanimate object – for example, the ATM machine that swallows your debit card or keeps your money; the toy that comes in a box marked ‘easy to assemble.’
- other people – the main target of anger. One research study asked a large population of children how they wished their mother acted differently. The number one response by 98 percent of those who answered” = “I wish my mom wouldn’t yell at me so much.”
Today’s question: Do you agree with Jean Vanier that communities need tensions? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “”Natural inclination re: conflict”