“Confrontation can do tremendous damage. . . . Sometimes we get deep scars and wounds from people. Then we need something more that anger management. We need a miracle. But God created one. It’s called forgiveness.”- John Ortberg
John Ortberg concludes Chapter 7 of Everybody’s Normal . . . with the sixth and seventh small steps of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18:15.
6. Direct communication. To show someone their fault is often easier said than done. Because quite often people address the problem indirectly when an actual face-to-face confrontation takes place. As a result, when the other person most needs clarity, we couch the problem in vague and fuzzy language.
When John served as head pastor of Menlo Pari Presbyterian Church, his management team often talked about the ‘Last 10 Percent Rule.’ For after going through all the hard work of setting up a difficult conversation, we shrink back. Consequently, we refrain from saying the hardest, most important truth.
So, that means in loving confrontation, we must watch over our tendency to get fuzzy, precisely at the time when the truth is most needed. And when that truth is most difficult to speak.
7. Aim at reconciliation. In conclusion, Pastor Ortberg counsels, conflict situations never include the goal of scoring points. Instead, one desires to achieve reconciliation. Yet, it’s rarely a simple or quick process. However, reconciliation represents Jesus’ will for the human race. Above all, Jesus expressly commands it for His church.
Therefore, if we fail to set reconciliation as our goal, John asserts, all the rest of our work will be for nothing.
Finally, John tells a story about the time he tried to parallel park on a congested one-way street in Pasadena, CA. The driver behind him grew more and more agitated because John’s efforts blocked him.
After John wedged his car in the space, the other driver pulled up next to John to express his deepest feelings. He called John a naughty name and yelled, “What’s your problem?”
A pretty profound question, John thought. Because it pretty much sums up the human condition. Although the angry driver got 6/7 of Jesus’ teaching steps correct, he left out one: forgiveness.
Today’s question: When do you need something more than anger management? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Rhythm of the divine heartbeat”