“True forgiveness is never cheap. Hurt is deep; hurt is unfair. You want the offender to know the pain they have inflicted on you. You want them to get paid back. In fact, only one thing I know costs more that forgiving someone. Know what it is? Not forgiving them. Non-forgiveness costs your heart.”- John Ortberg
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said. ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ “- Matthew 18:32-33 (NIV)
John Ortberg concludes Chapter 8 of Everybody’s Normal . . . as he observes that in reconciliation we find the healing of our greatest longing. Hence, it’s never too late to seek it.
Certainly, God commands us to forgive when we experience hurt and reconcile when possible. Because life is too short not to follow through and obey God’s command. Above all, John notes, we only get one shot at it. And if we don’t forgive, letting resentment, stubbornness, and defensiveness stand in our way, we turn hard and bitter.
Like the wicked servant in Jesus’ parable, we tend to believe we can receive forgiveness from God — without having to forgive others. But as Jesus asserts in telling the story, this line of thinking is impossible. Not just a bad idea. So, when you start out holding a grudge, in the end the grudge holds you.
In conclusion, as Frederick Buechner wrote in his book Wishful Thinking:
“Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel the pain you are giving back — in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
Consequently, you must choose vengeance or mercy, prison or freedom, hatred or grace, life or death. Therefore, John exhorts, choose wisely.
Today’s question: How do you see true forgiveness as never cheap? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Foundational paradox re: porcupines”