“Instead of shooting for unconditional trust where we are blind to red flags and expected to overlook them, we need to shift from blind trust to wise trust. . . . Wise trust requires us to take an honest look at reality. While people sometimes lie with their words, the truth eventually emerges in their actions.”- Lysa TerKeurst
In Chapter 3 (“Red Flags and the Roots of Distrust”) of I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t, Lysa TerKeurst stresses that relationship red flags alert us to issues we need to pay closer attention to. Issues we most likely need to address. Because, typically, red flags we ignore never fix themselves. Rather, essentially these red flag issues morph into serious breaches of trust.
Therefore, we need discernment. Consequently, Lysa describes discernment as:
- a deep-down knowing.
- the ability to pick up cues that allow us to recognize subtle differences and inconsistencies, to perceive when something isn’t as it should be.
- an instinctive feel for when someone acts dishonestly.
- an intimate way God cares for, leads, redirects, warns, and reveals things to us. Things we’d miss on our own.
As a result, Lysa counsels:
“However you are wired, when your brain is sending the signal that something is off or unsafe, you need a way to wisely examine reality. Part of using wisdom with your discernment is to avoid extremes. . . . Both safety and connection are important in a relationship. And neither should be taken to such an extreme that excludes the other.”
Certainly, safety and connection link directly with the health of the trust in a relationship. In addition, even in good relationships, it’s possible for red flags to pop us from time to time. However, red flags don’t always signal a lack of health in the relationship. Yet, red flags may indicate the need for some work to be done. That intentional and honest conversation must take place. With grace for occasional mishaps.
Today’s question: Do you tend to relate to people with blind trust or wise trust? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Address the red flags”