“Discerning people make it a priority to keep the pursuit of wisdom always in front of them. One way we can pursue wisdom and practice discernment is by making the commitment to ourselves that we will acknowledge and appropriately address the red flags in our relationships.”- Lysa TerKeurst
“A discerning person keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.”- Proverbs 17:24 (NIV)
As Lysa TerKeurst moves on in Chapter 3 of I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t, she begins presenting her list of concerning characteristics that may underlie the red flags you’re seeing. Lysa covers the first three red flags today.
Red Flag #1: Incongruity. Here this person desires that others perceive them in one way. But they act in a completely different way. Hence, their words fail to match how they actually live on a day-to-day basis. For example, incongruous people present themselves as wise and mature spiritual giants. However, they believe in their superiority over others. Or they think the rules only apply to other people. But certainly not them.
Red Flag #2: Inconsistency. You feel on edge around this person. Because you never know what version of them you will get on any given day. Of course, on occasion we all have bad days. But this behavior more reflects a pattern of duality. A pattern that confuses you and creates an unstable relationship. For example, the stories this person tells differ in truth and accuracy — depending on the audience.
Red Flag #3: Insincerity. An insincere person tells you something they think you want to hear. However, they don’t actually mean what they say. As a result, you get an uneasy feeling when they pay you a compliment. Or half-heartedly make plans with you. Hence, you feel exhausted after being with them. Because all of the mental gymnastics involved as you try to discern their true intentions.
Today’s question: What most helps you address the red flags in your relationships? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Level of trust or distrust”