“It’s one thing to identify red flags, but it’s equally as crucial to assess how serious the red flags are that we are discerning. . . . Assessing red flag concerns across various spectrums helps you not to just throw out the blanket statement, ‘I’m struggling to trust you.’ “- Lysa TerKeurst
Lysa TerKeurst concludes Chapter 3 of I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t with the last four red flag characteristics.
Red Flag #8: Insubordination. This person rejects reasonable authority and plays the victim. Above all, they lack a teachable spirit. In addition, they lack the ability to understand that guidelines exist for the greater good of the community. Finally, this person pushes against and refuses to honor the boundaries set by other people.
Red Flag #9: Incompetence. This person touts their capability of doing a task. However, you already know they lack the training, experience, or track record to carry out that task. Consequently, they attempt to compensate for their lack of ability with convincing themselves about their progress. Even if it’s all smoke and mirrors behind the scenes.
Red Flag #10: Irresponsibility. This reckless person tends to gravitate toward fun activities versus taking care of business. While their actions aren’t necessarily spiteful, they need to take things more seriously. Also, they’re easily distracted from what’s important. Because they want to enjoy whatever comes up in the moment.
Red Flag #11: Inflated Sense of Self. Someone with an inflated sense of self buys into the delusion that they are so good or important you couldn’t possibly manage without them. Because they know best, they hold you hostage to their way of doing things. Hence, they see you as the problem. But they present as the ultimate solution. So, at times they treat you like a child who needs to be bossed around and put in their place.
Finally, Lysa lists five red flag concerns across the various spectrums of:
- severity – looking at both the fact and impact of the trauma, assess how severe this is to you.
- occurrence – is this a constant pattern or an occasional mistake?
- risk – it’s crucial to count the potential cost to you.
- proximity – how often do you interact with this person?
- tolerance – assess how much you’re willing to tolerate in this season of your life.
Today’s question: What red flag concerns must you confront? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Small breaches of trust – rips”