“Often we will describe this flooding stage of rage as ‘losing it.’. . . So we cultivate what is sometime known as the art of self-soothing. Soothing can sound self-indulgent, as if we’re coddling ourselves. . . . In reality, we seek to be calmed by the Word of God. And eventually our brain will come along. And we will find ‘it’ again.”- John Ortberg
Moving on to Step 9B (“Learn to Be ‘Direct’ “) of Steps, John Ortberg stresses that our capacity to harm knows no bounds. But long before we take drastic action, John notes, we inflict a thousand relational paper cuts. As a result, Pastor Ortberg’s friend Rick uses the acronym CRAFT to describe the art of making amends. John covers the first two letters today.
1. Conversation. We experience flooding when we get deeply upset. As a result, we compromise our thinking, reasoning, and listening faculties. Therefore, getting conversational helps us to unflood. In addition, it helps us when we try to remember those we’ve hurt in the past. And think of ways we might make amends to them.
Finally, engaging in conversation enables us to be open, nondefensive, and able to listen. Rather that flail in the throes of volatile emotion.
2. Recall. Most significantly, recall is much harder than it sounds. Because our default mode runs toward recalling the wrongs others have committed against us. Hence, to sincerely repair relationships, we need to look with intention at the harm we caused others. And see through their eyes.
However, our memories rebel at this. For we all suffer from self-serving memory bias. Thus, Pastor Ortberg continues:
“David Kahneman, in his Thinking, Fast and Slow, writes that our ability to selectively focus and remember reveals two primary truths about human beings: ‘We can be blind to the obvious, and we are also blind to our blindness.’ ”
In conclusion, John cautions, doubt any memory that you deem self-serving. Recognize that anger almost certainly distorts your memory. Above all, the author exhorts, replace furiosity with curiosity.
Today’s question: What Bible verses help you practice the art of self-soothing? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “The industrial-grade version”