“Psychologist Kyle Benson calls [anger out of proportion to the situation] the anger iceberg. When we see an iceberg in the ocean, much more of it is underneath the water that we cannot see than above the water that we can. That’s why we must be slow to anger, so we can think about what we cannot see.”- Kyle Idleman
Kyle Idleman concludes Chapter 6 of Every Thought Captive with two important questions about anger to prayerfully think about.
1. Where is the anger coming from? This, Kyle notes, represents a surprisingly deep question. Especially when our response to the offense or our level of anger feels out of proportion to the situation.
Yet, when we act offended, Kyle asserts, in reality we feel anxious. An anxiety that comes to the surface as irritability. Hence, we assure we have an anger problem. But our real problem may find its roots in anxiety. Because the situation is out of our control.
But when we get angry that restores our sense of control — a false sense of power. However, we want to keep what’s lurking under the offense hidden. So, instead we show people anger.
2. What is it like for them? As the Samaritan woman’s conversation with Jesus developed (John 4:1-42), she made an effort to deflect the conversation from herself. Pastor Idleman comments that she aimed to offend Jesus with a few remarks and questions about the proper place to worship. Long a bone of contention between Jews and Samaritans.
Rather than get drawn into the trap, Jesus reveals Himself to the Samaritan woman as the living water. Consequently, Jesus responded with grace and compassion. Therefore, Kyle counsels:
“In a world that is quick to think the worst and take offense, choosing compassion is a radical act. When someone is being offensive, we can respond with compassion. We can think thoughts, not about our hurt, but about their hurt. A good question to consider when someone offends us is this: What is it like for them (emphasis Kyle’s)?”
Today’s question: What most helps you get beneath the surface of the anger iceberg? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Happy people chase after God”