“To embrace and love who we are, we have to reclaim and reconnect with the parts of ourselves we’ve orphaned over the years.”- Brene Brown, Rising Strong
“No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame.”- Psalm 25:3 (NIV)
In Chapter 13 (“Boundaries with Guilt and Shame”) of Boundaries for Your Soul, Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller note that, before the Fall, Adam and Eve lived unashamed in the Garden of Eden. But with the dawn of sin came the dawn of shame. Thus, to this day, everyone faces this painful emotion. Also, the authors state, the burden of shame comes from:
- evil – wants to stifle the freedom resulting from the knowledge that you’re loved
- people – damage you with their actions, cutting remarks, dismissive eye rolls, and furrowed brows
- your inner critic (shaming protectors)- when your inner critic unwittingly takes the bait, condemnation and the threat of isolation increase
Furthermore, Alison and Kim go on to describe the unrelenting burden of shame:
” . . . shame is a persistent emotional burden that a tender exile carries when believing the hurtful message of a shaming inner critic: you don’t have what it takes, you’re bad and not worthy of love. Parts that carry this burden of shame believe that you don’t matter or belong. All-or-nothing; black -or-white thinkers, they repeat dreary refrains like broken records. . . . Carrying a burden of shame erodes your sense of self-respect over time, crippling your soul and stifling your joy. . . . The healing process begins with focusing gently on these parts and listening to them.”
In the next blog, Alison and Kim consider the benefits, dangers, needs, and fears associated with shame.
Today’s question: What helps you reconnect with the orphaned parts of yourself? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “The burden of shame vs. God’s presence”