“Doing the work required to set boundaries and feel safe as adults is critical if we are to learn to try softer. As we begin to change the implicit or explicit narratives we were given, honoring our limits and creating safety are vital. After all, how can we even begin to try softer with the […]
“Setting boundaries is complex, difficult work, but I promise that as we begin to set limits and learn to listen to what our bodies are telling us, we will start experiencing the freedom that comes with hearing the heartbeat of our internal world. This is part of the foundation that will help us thrive.”- Aundi […]
“Jesus was ultimately a suffering servant, but He lived out this truth from a place of choice — not because He was shamed into it. Read that again. He invites us to live from this place of freedom too. . . . Certainly, the Bible shows us that God absolutely hardwired us for connection. But […]
“We didn’t get to choose the dynamics of our childhood or ask for the relational wounds we may have experienced. This is one reasons I love to teach people about their WOT, their bodies, and how God will walk beside them on their journeys. We have the power to change our future.”- Aundi Kolber “You […]
“As we do the work of digging into and honoring our stories, we begin to gain insight into why we struggle to stay in our WOT (window of tolerance). As Dr. Daniel Siegel writes, ‘The mind we first see in our development is the internal state of our caregiver. . . . So we first […]
“Essentially, when it comes to the ability to sit with our feelings and experiences, each of us has a range that feels ‘just right.’ [Trauma therapist Deb Dana] refers to this as ‘the Goldilocks principle.’ “- Aundi Kolber “She had not know the weight, until she felt the freedom.”- Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter In […]
“Like the missing puzzle piece that fits snugly and completes the picture of our lives, God Himself is our best resource — the safest, best attachment we could ever have. And He is the only One who doesn’t need to make repair attempts (although thank goodness the rest of us can make them when we […]
“Our wounds often surface only when at last we feel physically or emotionally safe. Once we are out of survival mode, our bodies, minds, and spirits can finally bear to consider our stories and the reasons we are so emotionally dysregulated.”- Aundi Kolber ” ‘Even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to […]
“All of us tend to have a primary attachment style with those we are closest to; however, our attachment templates aren’t static categories. Depending on who we are interacting withy, our bodies may come to expect different responses. . . . What’s important to understand is that most of us will likely have some blending […]
“These vital early experiences of responsiveness to our needs, which psychologists and researchers refer to as attunement are the basis for our attachment styles throughout our lifespans. Before any of us had even formed explicit thoughts or memories, the wiring in our brains and nervous systems began to mirror the ways our caregivers interacted with […]
“This sacred invitation to honor our pain is holy work and a journey to which we are all called. To appreciate how our physiology is designed to adapt to threatening situation, I often view it from the perspective that we have a Creator who gives us what we need to make it through to live […]
“A significant part of learning to try softer comes from recognizing that old wounds may be causing us to live in fight/flight/fawn or freeze even once we’re safe. . . . Learning about the choices we have for how to respond to our own bodies before they’re in full-blown crisis can help us to make […]