“Good things can happen from private alone time, but even they will mean little if they can never be shared. . . . Alone is not only no way to live, but it also keeps you from healing.”- Phil Waldrep
Phil Waldrep concludes Chapter 6 of Beyond Betrayal as he notes that relationships provide the greatest joys in life. Thus, the author exhorts, only one way out of your betrayal misery exists. Either you rebuild your relationship with your betrayer (with specific conditions), or you build better relationships elsewhere. Hence, to step out of denial and isolation, Phil asserts, is to:
- step out of the initial shock of your betrayal and into its emotional aftermath
- acknowledge the pain, then release the anger toward the unfairness that happened to you
- let loose of all the emotions caused by what happened
- let the bomb of your broken heart explode
In your isolation, you may feel like the world revolves around you. As a result, the author offers four ideas to keep you from distorting everything out of proportion.
- Choose a specific time you will talk about your feelings and what happened to you – then turn it off for the rest of the day. Even so, Phil notes, you’ll likely still think about it. However, you must recognize that the rest of the world doesn’t think about it the way you do. A time will come for you to talk about your betrayal in detail in a helpful way. But also know that talking about it outside that setting rarely does anyone much good.
- Socialize face-to-face with other people. Certainly, at times it’s productive to sit alone with your thoughts. Just make sure you don’t separate yourself from the outside world. There, life goes on and people trust each other in relative safety.
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotion, ask before you start unloading your feelings on another person. Friends often give us that space. Yet, some people who love you feel uncomfortable listening to your struggles. Perhaps they’re going through their own problems.
- When friends ask you to do things, go! Not everything centers on you processing your pain. As Phil encourages, get out in the world and live!
Today’s question: How much do you value private alone time? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Repressed anger: the long-term effects”