Process the grief of our loss

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By Dave Henning / June 17, 2020

“We must process the grief of our loss; we must confront our denials and avoid letting ourselves become isolated.  It won’t happen all at once.  And it won’t happen in a perfect straight line.”- Phil Waldrep

“There are some things in life over which God simply writes, ‘I’ll explain later.’ “- Corrie ten Boom

Phil Waldrep concludes Chapter 4 of Beyond Betrayal as he encourages you to give yourself time and the opportunity to process your emotions.  Hence, take it easy on yourself.  Give yourself a break when anger overwhelms you once again.  Because that’s a perfectly natural part of the healing process.

Therefore, express and process your negative emotions.  Then, give them to God.  Certainly, God knows what to do with those emotions.  So, live for something better than shame.  Don’t let betrayal derail the great plans God still has for your life.

Above all, find excuses to get yourself out of isolation.  Take ‘me time’ to get out in the world.  Consequently, Phil provides four suggestions:

  1. Develop a new routine.  Set new goals for yourself and work on accomplishing them.  It’s a healthy way to turn your focus away from your pain.
  2. Spend more time with your friends.  If life requires you to interact with your betrayer, find a friend or co-worker to go with you and support you.  And, Phil counsels, treat those times as a professional, not as a child.
  3. Make sure you are part of a healthy church.  Find a church that cares about you and provides a place to safely rebuild your trust.
  4. Get out and get some exercise.  Because exercise alleviates stress and takes our emotional focus off ourselves.  And, time away from your thoughts helps you deal with them better later on.

Finally, the author concludes with this truth to remember:

“Wishing for your betrayer to feel the pain your feel only increases your pain.  Stop watching for the good things that are happening to them.  Focus on your recovery, not the blessings you think they are enjoying.  It doesn’t matter what happens to them.  Leave that to God.”

Today’s question: What most helped you process the grief of your betrayal?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Internalize the anger – what happens”

About the author

Dave Henning

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