Obligated to discuss betrayal details?

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By Dave Henning / June 27, 2020

“As you begin to process your anger and other emotions, remember that you’re not obligated to discuss with anyone the details of your story.  I know sometimes it’s a temptation. . . .  The attention you receive can feel good for a while.  But you must remind yourself often that not everyone asking about what happened to you has your best interests in mind.  Most of the time they’re just after a juicy story.”- Phil Waldrep

Phil Waldrep continues Chapter 7 of Beyond Betrayal as he counsels you to discuss the excruciating details of your betrayal only with a counselor sworn to confidentiality or to a trusted friend.  Then, after you’ve had some time to go over the details, determine the short version to share with others.  But, Phil stresses, you don’t owe anyone the whole story.

Finally, the author presents four things that can occur when you don’t channel your emotions in an open, direct way.

1.  We become argumentative.  When we stuff our emotions, we easily turn into opinionated monsters no one wants around.  As a result, such behavior drives us further into isolation.  And that, in turn, makes us even more disagreeable.

2.  We can become shallow.  It’s crucial that we ground our self-worth on solid truth.  The solid truth of what God thinks of us and how much He loves us.  Instead, when we stuff our emotions, we cling to shallower wins.  In addition, the author points out, one way this shallowness comes out involves drawing a question mark over the character of everyone we encounter.  Furthermore, we do this not only in our own minds, but also influence the minds of others.

3.  We displace or transfer our emotions.  If we don’t process our anger toward our betrayer, we displace it elsewhere.  Also, it’s easier to direct anger at a nebulous group than deal with specific issues.

 4.  We become bitter and stress destroys our happiness.  The author asserts: “Bitter roots spring into bitter fruit.  And if we don’t uproot it, it will spread.”

Today’s question: When do you feel obligated to discuss the details of your betrayal?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “A warning sign something’s wrong – anger”

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Dave Henning

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