Wishful thinking or reality walk?

By Dave Henning / April 23, 2023

“You have put . . . boundaries in place because they’re wise, not because you are mean, rude, uncaring, unchristian, selfish, or insensitive.  You are a responsible person . . . a good steward of what’s been entrusted to you.  Therefore, you walk in reality instead of wishful thinking.  You acknowledge and respect the concept of limitations.”- Lysa TerKeurst

In Chapter 5 (“You Are Already Doing This Really Well”) of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Lysa Terkeurst stresses that sometimes good things turn into bad things.  Hence, when people fail to respect our limits, we either set boundaries or pay consequences.

So, Lysa observes, we understand boundaries (aka passwords) with our bank accounts and social media accounts.  Yet, we often fall short in the area of emotional well-being.  Because, Lysa posits, we don’t truly understand our emotional limitations.  Above all, expending too much on an emotional level bankrupts one’s well-being.

Therefore, whatever ‘it’ we overlook, excuse, reframe, or numb out, we probably fail to factor in the enormous cost that trauma lays on us.  For consequences ensue when we allow others to misuse and abuse our emotions.  Thus, Lysa exhorts:

“I . . . [encourage] you to pay attention to how devastating emotional situations can hurt more than just your feelings.  When you are suffering because of choices that affect you, it’s time to start naming what’s really going on.  It’s either a situation of misuse of someone’s access to you or a situation of abuse of their influence over you.  And often it’s both at the same time.”

In conclusion, Lysa poses the following questions in regard to the abuse of someone’s access to you:

  1. In conflict with someone, do you often wind up taking responsibility for everything while he/she totally cops out?
  2. Do you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells because you fear one bad decision on your part will make the other person walk away?
  3. Do you wind up suffering more than the other person because of what they do?

Today’s question: “Do you tend to walk in reality or engage in wishful thinking?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “An alarm bell – feeling of anxiety”

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Dave Henning

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