“Your light exposes something inside of them they’d rather keep in the darkness. So, of course, it’s offensive to them. . . . It’s only natural for them to lash out, but they are just trying to turn off the light as quickly as possible. . . . It’s an attempt by that other person to protect whatever illegitimate ways they are getting their legitimate needs met.”- Lysa TerKeurst
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”- John 1:5 (NIV)
As Lysa TerKeurst moves on in Chapter 6 of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, she notes that sometimes you’re more concerned for your offender than they’re concerned about themselves. In addition, most likely you’re very aware of how their actions affect you. Yet, they are either not aware or not concerned.
Therefore, when this kind of misunderstood affection occurs, Lysa stresses, here’s what you need to know. It’s never possible to stay where you are and lift the other person to a more mature or healthy place. Because they must do the work themselves.
Furthermore, this hardship involves more than just the tension between where you are and where they are. A real risk kicks in the longer you stay in this tension. The risk increases that you’ll be pulled down. Remember, Lysa counsels, that your motivation is to love people well. Hence, you must not allow yourself to get dragged into such an emotionally drained and unhealthy place that it’s impossible to love well.
In conclusion, Lysa underscores, remember that, but for the grace of God, we could be acting in some of the same ways as our offender. The author adds:
“We don’t want to grow hard, angry, or develop an attitude of superiority when setting boundaries. We must stay humble and surrendered to Jesus in this process. . . . Be wise with setting and keeping your boundaries and remember that you don’t have to stay in the same place the other person is in. And use these insights to help you become more aware of what’s at play, so you don’t keep feeling like the crazy one and discounting your discernment.”
Today’s question: What biblical light exposes the darkness in your life? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Glimpses of kindness, potential”
