Healthy equilibrium – possible

By Dave Henning / April 29, 2023

“Healthy equilibrium in a relationship is possible only when both people are equally committed to these things: healthy habits, self-awareness, and empathy for the feelings of the other person.”- Lysa TerKeurst

“Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion for someone to devour.”- 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

Lysa TerKeurst concludes Chapter 6 of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes as she notes that a sober mind refers to an instruction not to let ourselves lose control of our emotions.

In addition, Peter commands us to be actively sober-minded and alert, not simply to take action.  Thus, being sober-minded has to do with maintaining control over ourselves.  Most significantly, Lysa notes, the Greek word for sober minded = nepko.  It means to be ‘self-possessed, clear-headed, and attentive to what is going on.  Hence, Lysa explains:

“This means that being sober-minded has to do with maintaining control over ourselves.  Remember, we have an enemy who doesn’t just want to tempt us — he wants to devour us.  He wants us to act and pivot out of control.  And he wants out thoughts to spin out of control.”

Consequently, one of two things happens when one person dabbles in unhealthy habits, refuses to see themselves through the lens of reality, or stops considering your feelings.  You either sink to their level or they rise to your level.

In conclusion, Lysa’s Christina counselor, Jim Cross, weighs in on manipulative people.  A manipulative person, Jim cautions:

  • stirs up external chaos, pointing the finger of blame in an attempt to medicate unhealed pain.
  • never met a boundary he/she liked.
  • sees your intended red light, full stop boundary as a yellow light.
  • intentionally speeds through that intersection, risking damage to themselves and to you.
  • does anything to resist feeling controlled.
  • sees the boundary you set to protect yourself as a personal rejection.

Today’s question: What Bible verses help you maintain healthy equilibrium in a relationship?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Knowledge and discernment – love”

About the author

Dave Henning

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