“What I like about Philippians 1:9-10 is that the love here is associated with knowledge and discernment. So the inverse is also true. A lack of wisdom and discernment is actually unloving. . . . when setting boundaries our heart posture should be one of wisdom and discernment for the sake of true and healthy love.”- Lysa TerKeurst
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight; so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.”- Philippians 1:9-10 (NIV)
In Chapter 7 (“Just Because They Say It Doesn’t Mean You Have to Own It”) of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Lysa TerKeurst notes that unhealthy people typically fail to manage their emotions and expectations (self-regulate) very well. As a result, they often take offense easily when you don’t take on their lack of responsibility as your emergency.
Furthermore, there’s a telltale sign of their unhealthiness. They refuse to accept ‘no’ as an answer. So, they try to make you feel terrible, punished, or unsure about the necessity of the boundary. Therefore, we must pay attention to those who accept our healthy boundaries as well as those who reject them.
However, Lysa observes, people who desire healthy relationships don’t take issue with other people’s healthy boundaries. Because when you discern and choose your actions carefully, that leads to a wisdom those around you can trust. Also, even if a healthy person dislikes a boundary you have set, he/she knows the difference between hurt and harm.
Hence, since healthy people are in touch with their limitations, they understand your limits. Thus, they communicate what they (a) can and cannot do and (b) are and are not willing to tolerate. Above all, they expect you to do the same.
Consequently, mature, healthy people seek to:
- understand your concerns,
- discuss any issues that the need for the boundary reveals, and
- respect your limits.
Today’s question: Do you associate love with knowledge and discernment? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Checking ourselves = healthy”