“Sharing information rather than judgment is the first step in processing distorted anger.”- Dr. Gary Chapman
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In Chapter 5 (“How to Handle ‘Bad’ Anger”) of Anger, Gary Chapman contrasts sharing information with sharing a verdict. Sharing a verdict consists of condemning, judgmental statements that tend to incite warfare. However, in sharing information, you focus on:
- making the other person aware of your emotions, thoughts, and concerns
- the event that provoked your feelings, not the person who provoked them
Realizing we have a skewed perception of the situation enables us to release that misplaced anger. As a result, we can work on accepting the other person as human.
However, coming to grasp the true nature of our anger only begins the process. At times, we cannot simply release it and accept what the other person has done. Often we must negotiate understanding. Therefore, you must arrive at an understanding of the other person’s actions. In turn, the other person needs to understand your feelings. Conversation must be open. The atmosphere must be nonjudgmental.
Dr. Chapman explains that negotiating understanding comprises a crucial component of human relationships. Yet, even distorted anger signals that something needs attention. In addition, anger seldom dissipates without open, loving communication. Furthermore, Gary stresses the bottom line:
“The bottom line is that in most relationships, assuming we feel loved and respected by the other person, most of us are willing to make changes if they are couched in the from of a request rather than a demand.”
Today’s question: Following your vocation loss, did your statements consist of sharing information or sharing judgment? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation, “God’s recreation”
