“The betrayal takes over our thought life. . . . It can destroy our faith in trust and love. Where we saw good before, now we see only uncertainty and darkness. The heat of our anger, our shame, and our desire to get even rises to feverish levels. We see everything around us not through rose-colored glasses, but through a blood-red haze of anger and hurt.”- Phil Waldrep
As Phil Waldrep continues Chapter 2 of Beyond Betrayal, he reminds us that betrayal changes everything. While pre-betrayal life seemed relatively good, the post-betrayal world no longer feels trustworthy. As a result, you suddenly call into question everything you believe to be true. Thus, Phil observes, you think:
- If my trusted friend or colleague deceived me, what else am I getting wrong? Where else am I getting fooled?
- Maybe the world isn’t such a wonderful place?
- Maybe God isn’t really on my side.
But then, the author cautions, things go deeper as our thoughts spiral out of control. Consequently, we doubt ourselves and our worth. In addition, every negative word spoken to you or about you begins to replay in your mind. Thus, Phil extends this thought:
“Before you were betrayed you may not have had everything figured out, but you felt like you were on you way to it. You felt that you had some value in the world. Afterwards you realize that everything you believed before — especially about that person and probably yourself — was a sham. Being betrayed stuns us. It stops us dead in our tracks. We wonder if it’s safe to take one more step forward because we’re not even sure we can trust the ground beneath our feet.”
Above all, the author underscores, this distrust creates an unhealthy situation for ourselves and everyone around us. Hence, Phil cites one old expression that serves as an excellent summary: if you don’t heal what hurts you, you will bleed on the people who didn’t cut you.
So, the the next post, Phil begins to describe seven things that allow healing to occur.
Today’s question: How do you find that betrayal takes over your thought life? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Walk through your betrayal with someone else”