Walk through betrayal with someone else

By Dave Henning / June 9, 2020

“You need to walk through [your betrayal] with someone else: a friend, a counselor, a pastor, someone . . . .  Especially if you want to heal from it sooner rather than later.”- Phil Waldrep

” ‘In your anger do not sin.’  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”- Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)

Phil Waldrep continues Chapter 2 of Beyond Betrayal as he begins his discussion of seven actions that allow healing to occur.  Today, he covers the first, second, and third actions.

1.  Admit you’ve been hurt.  Even today, the author’s amazed at how many people refuse to admit their pain from a betrayal.  Consequently, such people tell others that they’re fine.  In addition, they usually go on to say that their betrayal isn’t a big deal.

But, Phil underscores, it is a big deal.  Although you think such a stance indicates strength, in reality you advertise your weakness.  Because it’s impossible for anyone to experience deep rejection and expect others to believe you’re strong enough to handle it.

2.  Give yourself permission to be angry.  In the immediate aftermath of betrayal, you may feel that it’s impossible to forgive.  Above all, your emotions may block you from believing that you’ll ever forgive your betrayer.

Furthermore, psychologists agree regarding the traumatic nature of betrayal.  Also, the closer your relationship to your betrayer, the more trauma you feel.  However, while anger is a normal human experience, it’s not normal to let anger control you.  So, the best way to control anger involves giving yourself permission to be upset.

3.  Don’t tell yourself that you’ve got this.  The author finds that almost everyone who’s gone through betrayal immediately tries to convince themselves that they can handle their emotions.  Therefore, even if they feel close to a nervous breakdown or cry all the time, they still proclaim, “I’ve got this.”

However, here’s the truth – you don’t.  thus, you need someone outside of yourself to walk with you.

Today’s question: Who helped you walk through your betrayal?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “A devastating blow to your trust”

About the author

Dave Henning

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