“Betrayal is a devastating blow to your trust in a person or group of persons. Your feelings and reactions are real, raw, and natural. Admit your disbelief and anger. Start processing them in a healthy way.”- Phil Waldrep
Phil Waldrep concludes Chapter 2 of Beyond Betrayal as he talks about the last four actions that allow healing to occur.
4. Stop trying to be super-Christian. While God calls us to forgive, only He both forgives and forgets. However, Phil notes, too many people try to play super-Christian. As a result, they convince themselves they can also forgive as well as forget.
In fact, the author asserts, trying to forget isn’t a healthy choice. So, don’t equate forgiveness with forgetting. When you forgive, you release your right to get revenge, to even the score.
5. If a relationship is to be saved, accountability is a must. It’s quite common for a betrayer to appear repentant. Hence, they plead for forgiveness hoping that everyone acts as if nothing happened. Because many betrayers desire to eliminate the consequences of their actions, they refuse to give up their self-serving behaviors.
Therefore, hold them accountable. As Ronald Reagan once replied when asked if he trusted the Soviets, “Trust, but verify.”
6. Betrayal can bring past traumas to the surface. When you experience betrayal as an adult, it often triggers repressed or buried memories. Consequently, the raw emotion that resurrects serves to multiply what you’re feeling now. Furthermore, it complicates your healing process.
Yet, addressing a pain from your past enables you to work through your pain today.
7. We cannot let betrayal determine our worth. In most cases, Phil notes, there’s little the betrayed person could have done to avoid being the victim of the betrayal. Thus, shying away from trusting and loving again fails to provide healing. Rather, we need to find a way to do both in a healthier way.
Finally, not everything returns to the way it was before the betrayal. Hurt and loss make that impossible. That leaves two choices: turn to bitterness or turn it to wisdom.
Today’s question: What betrayal caused a devastating blow to your trust? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Hurting another person vs. betrayer’s desire”
