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Obligated to discuss betrayal details?

By Dave Henning / June 27, 2020

“As you begin to process your anger and other emotions, remember that you’re not obligated to discuss with anyone the details of your story.  I know sometimes it’s a temptation. . . .  The attention you receive can feel good for a while.  But you must remind yourself often that not everyone asking about what […]

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Unexpressed and unprocessed anger

By Dave Henning / June 26, 2020

“Unexpressed and unprocessed anger and emotions have a way of coming out in all the wrong ways and masking what we should really be addressing.  It has a way of compounding our hurt into a number of other areas.”- Phil Waldrep “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”- Romans 12:21 (NIV) […]

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Repressed anger: long-term effects

By Dave Henning / June 25, 2020

“Long-term repressed anger will turn to bitterness that will discolor the way we see the world.  It will affect how we relate to people.  It will corrode our well-being.”- Phil Waldrep “Anger is never without a reason, but it seldom has a good one.”- Benjamin Franklin In Chapter 7 (“Anger”) of Beyond Betrayal, Phil Waldrep […]

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Private alone time – share good things

By Dave Henning / June 24, 2020

“Good things can happen from private alone time, but even they will mean little if they can never be shared. . . .  Alone is not only no way to live, but it also keeps you from healing.”- Phil Waldrep Phil Waldrep concludes Chapter 6 of Beyond Betrayal as he notes that relationships provide the […]

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A stigma to being betrayed

By Dave Henning / June 23, 2020

“There is a stigma to being betrayed, even if it is mostly self-imposed.  It’s easy to want to avoid that feeling by replacing too quickly the person who has left — especially if the new person affirms our feelings and tells us what we want to hear.”- Phil Waldrep As Phil Waldrep continues Chapter 6 […]

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The paralysis of analysis – falling into it

By Dave Henning / June 22, 2020

“One of the things I’ve seen in those I’ve counseled is that, because the trauma brings the betrayal back to them over and over again, they fall into the paralysis of analysis.  They want to know every detail of the betrayal.  Knowing the details lets them blame the other person.  They want to determine the […]

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Conscious choices to get your life back

By Dave Henning / June 21, 2020

“You’re going to have to make some conscious choices to get your life back.  The first has to be to confront your pain for what it is and determine to process it rather than obsess over it.  The second is to not let it steal the rest of your loved ones from you.”- Phil Waldrep […]

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Emotionally hurt – counterproductive protection

By Dave Henning / June 20, 2020

“When we are emotionally hurt or have experienced trauma, our subconscious minds often work to protect us in ways that are counterproductive.  Shame and vulnerability are so toxic to our identities that our subconscious mind does everything it can to avoid them.”- Phil Waldrep Phil Waldrep continues Chapter 5 of Beyond Betrayal as he observes […]

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The pain of betrayal is relative

By Dave Henning / June 19, 2020

“The pain of betrayal is relative. . . . it depends on the degree of the betrayal.  After thinking about it for years, I came up with a little formula that helps me understand the pain caused by betrayal.  I think of it this way: The pain of betrayal equals the level of trust times […]

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Internalize the anger – what happens

By Dave Henning / June 18, 2020

“What I did was internalize the anger I felt against my friend.  And with it the shame of being fooled by him.  But you can’t bury emotions like that.  They’ll still come out.  But they will come out looking like something else.”- Phil Waldrep In Chapter 5 (“Pain”) of Beyond Betrayal, Phil Waldrep affirms his […]

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Process the grief of our loss

By Dave Henning / June 17, 2020

“We must process the grief of our loss; we must confront our denials and avoid letting ourselves become isolated.  It won’t happen all at once.  And it won’t happen in a perfect straight line.”- Phil Waldrep “There are some things in life over which God simply writes, ‘I’ll explain later.’ “- Corrie ten Boom Phil […]

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Our unconscious minds – the shame trap

By Dave Henning / June 16, 2020

“Shame is . . . so powerful that our unconscious minds will do almost anything to protect us from experiencing it.  That can lead to falling into the shame trap of denial and isolation, as if those will protect us.  Instead they have a way of delaying our healing. . . .  In a very […]

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