“It’s very hard to love well if you don’t believe that your love means anything. It has to come from a place of self-respect — a place of awareness that you are a creation of God with a unique God-given purpose. It has to have its roots in knowing your life matters. . . . a healthy self-love means knowing you are worth something and you deserve the same respect as anyone else.”- Phil Waldrep
“And the second (commandment) is like it, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “- Matthew 22:39 (NIV)
In Chapter 8 (“Forgiveness”) of Beyond Betrayal, Phil Waldrep underscores that we can’t equate accountability with unforgiveness. Because accountability provides a way for us to hold others – and ourselves – to an agreed upon standard of behavior. And with a healthy self-love, you refuse to allow your betrayer to hurt you again.
However, the author counsels, you must possess a proper self-love to love your neighbor in a healthy way. Hence, if you show little concern for how people treat you, you set a low standard for how you treat others. In other words, the way you love yourself sets the standard.
Yet, Phil acknowledges, it’s easier to forgive your betrayer, or anyone else, when that person admits their sin. Certainly, the situation gets much trickier when that person’s no longer in your life. Or refuses to admit their actions or betrayal. But, forgiveness provides the only way to deliverance from what happened to you. As the saying goes, “Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Finally, the author specifies what it means to forgive:
“Forgiveness certainly does not mean . . . I welcome you back into my trust sot that you can hurt me again. That, you will have to earn. Forgiveness means I am going to give up my right to punish you for what you did to me in the past. I’m not going to look for opportunities to hurt you. I’m giving up my right to retaliate or seek further vengeance.”
Today’s question: What Scriptures instill the self-respect to love well? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “A scab and a scar – the difference”
