Try Softer: A Fresh Approach (Tyndale Momentum, 2020)
Aundi Kolber’s first book is Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us Out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode – and into a Life of Connection and Joy. Most significantly, Aundi ministers as a licensed professional counselor, specializing in trauma and body-centered therapies. From personal experience, Aundi knows that sometime we need to try softer. That means we compassionately listen to our needs so that we can move through our pain — and ultimately life — with greater gentleness and resilience. Hence, trying softer represents an intentional shift in the way we learn to exist with ourselves. And since it’s not a one-time event, we must be willing to do the work. Therefore, we begin the work of trying softer when we release our desire for the quick fix. Instead, we tend to our wounds beneath the surface. Otherwise find ourselves in quicksand.
Furthermore, Aundi stresses, change happens in layers. Thus, it’s rarely linear. In other words, the process of blooming is as valuable as the flower it produces. As we turn lovingly toward our pain, we being to find unforeseen choices. Also, it becomes easier to deal with the pain that shows up when we find more nurturing, effective ways to care for ourselves. Above all, our Creator gives us what we need to make it through another day. Consequently, this sacred invitation to honor our pain = holy work; a journey to which God calls all of us. The work of paying compassionate attention involves learning to steward for ourselves what God already believes about us. God offers His love and unending compassion as we walk through our hardships. Rather than get flooded by them.
In addition, trying softer includes figuring out how to establish safety for our bodies within our window of tolerance. God comes near when you’re open to Him and to the truth about yourself. In fact, God’s delighted just to be near you! Because, Aundi underscores, unless you feel safe in the here and now, you can’t even begin to try softer with the most wounded parts of yourself. So, use your voice, remain connected to your body, and kindly but firmly communicate your boundaries. To do so , assume a posture of nonjudgmental rareness. Notice, rather than react, to the truest parts of you. Your personhood is more than a tool – your body not merely an object.
Finally, Aundi states that your body – the keeper of your memories and experiences; for better or for worse. Therefore, your felt sense helps you to listen to, repair, and nurture the needs of your whole self. Aundi concludes with words she’d say to you if you sat across from her right now:
“My dear, you are a shiny, resilient gem who has learned to survive hard things. Now you are invited to thrive. May you know the truest parts of yourself that – that you are worthy of giving and receiving love. May you know that trying softer is your birthright.”