“Grace plus truth is our secret sauce! . . . True love . . . [is] not conflict avoidant. It’s equal measures, full measure, of grace and truth. The solution to ruinous empathy is radical candor, and it’s two-dimensional. It’s caring personally and confronting directly.”- Mark Batterson
“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.”- Augustine of Hippo, Confessions
In Chapter 9 (“Secret sauce = grace + truth) of Please Sorry Thanks, Mark Batterson lists three key ingredients when it comes to question asking. Ask:
- Open-ended questions that don’t allow for yes or no answers.
- Echo questions that get people to say something more than one time. And in more than one way.
- Curveball questions that change the frame of reference.
Furthermore, Mark strongly offers this good rule of thumb: Confess your own sin before you confront someone else’s sin. Plus one more word of advice. Before you criticize, compliment. Because the Losada ratio indicates that we need 2.9 compliments for every criticism.
Therefore, Pastor Batterson exhorts, celebrate what you want to see more of! Take a strengths-based approach to change called appreciative inquiry.
As a result, Mark explores the connection between love, grace, and truth. He writes:
“Love is grace plus truth. . . . Truth minus grace is hot sauce. It’s all head and no heart. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Grace minus truth is weak sauce. It’s all heart and no head. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, so we let them hurt themselves.
Grace plus truth is our secret sauce!”
However, Pastor Batterson observes, society conditions many of us to avoid saying what we really think. Because that stance helps us avoid conflict or embarrassment. Thus, when we fail to say what needs to be said, we fall into what Kim Scott calls ruinous empathy. And no one did radical candor better than Jesus – the perfect combination of grace giving and truth telling.
Today’s question: How do you live love as equal measures, full measures of grace and truth? Please share.
Tomorrow’s blog: “Humble boldness = courage”
